On Friday’s “Real Time,” Bill Maher devoted a surprising amount of time to absolutely roasting New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo over his still-unfolding sexual harassment scandal, calling him “f—ing stupid” and also mocking him for being creepy and for being “an Italian with no game.”
We’re sure you’re caught up, but just in case, Cuomo has been caught up in several scandals lately. First there was the reveal that he lied about the number of COVID deaths at nursing homes to make himself look good, and then a wave of sexual harassment accusations from much younger women, some of whom worked for him. He has been accused of unwanted hugs and kisses, and initiating sexually inappropriate conversations, including one in which he appears to have tried to probe a 25 year old employee as to whether she would date someone his age.
He has apologized, sort of, saying “I now understand that I acted in a way that made people feel uncomfortable. It was unintentional and I truly and deeply apologize for it.” He has also resisted calls to resign. Read more about it here.
Anyway, Maher’s first hits at Cuomo came during his opening monologue, joking that “You know, if you’re crestfallen from this news this weekend and you need a hug, Andrew Cuomo is available,
“Excuse me, how can a politician of this high profile be this f—ing stupid? Where we’re four years into the #MeToo era, he’s this dumb that [he doesn’t know] you don’t hit on the help? Don’t touch people without their permission. What?” Maher continued. “What could this guy be thinking? He said, you know, ‘I told the girl I’m open to a relationship with a woman in her 20s.’ No kidding. How big of you. Yes. Who hasn’t dreamed of banging Chico Marx?”
Maher then mocked Cuomo for claiming he had just been making “small talk” in these conversations, imagining how Cuomo does this. “Just you know, pick a subject any subject in the world. Think with older men, what do you think, start the conversation,” he said, imitating Cuomo.
“He’s an amazing man, an Italian with no game. So tone deaf. You know, a lot of people want him to resign now and he said he is not going to leave his job because. ‘then where am I going to meet chicks?’ Tone deaf,” Maher added.
Later during the mid-show sketch, Maher dinged Cuomo again, this time by mocking that lack of “game” he mentioned earlier with a collection called “Governor Cuomo’s Big Book of Pickup Lines.” We’ll just list off the jokes below:
“Do you like pizza? Because I’d like a pizza that ass.”
“Do you come here often or do I have to move your desk closer?”
“Sex with me is like Manhattan construction. It goes on like long.”
“You make my heart race like COVID through a new state nursing home.”
“Did you know Long Island was named after my penis.”
“My brother knows Don Lemon.”
“I admit I’m no Gavin Newsom. Do you really want to date a governor who’s prettier than you?”